A declaration - draft 1

by Paulie, 21 September 2008

If Ronald Reagan were still alive, there would be plenty of interviewers that would like to ask him if he still thinks that….

“The nine most terrifying words in the English language are: ‘I’m from the government and I’m here to help.”

And, up to $700 billion later, reading this and this, I thought it would be asking you - the good regulars at DSTPFW - to help me compose a certificate that could be sent out to every Thatcherite and right-wing libertarian that you have contact details for.

I’d like to write it up in a nice font, give it a pretty border, and turn it into a pdf that can be printed off, signed and framed, and hung over a well-appointed desk as an acknowledgement of recent developments.

The wording I’ve got is as follows - let me know what you think?

An Acknowledgement: Draft 0.9

For much of the past thirty years, there has been a consensus that deregulated capitalism provides a just moral framework. One that promotes fairness, efficiency and social progress.

I have been a vocal supporter of this position. I have opposed improvements to welfare safety-nets on the grounds that they would interfere with the workings of the markets. I have advocated a ‘meritocracy’ in which we all enjoy the rewards of our enterprise and take the consequences of our mistakes.

For decades, I have stood by while millions of people who were not born with my material advantages have been forced to bend over and take it like a man while I have continued to enjoy the fruits of my advantaged start in life. I have always argued that poverty is, at least in part, the consequence of irresponsibility and poor judgement, and that to relieve that poverty would be to reward these shortcomings.

I have always reassured myself that the iron laws of the market show that there is no fairer way of organising human relations.

Furthermore, I have argued that taxation is, somehow, almost a form of theft, and that no situation is so bad that it isn’t made worse by government intervention.

I am now happy to concede that the leading lights of modern capitalism are the more deserving of the label ‘thieving bastards’ than anyone else alive. In a month in which people such as myself have received the kind of bail-out that I have refused to countenance for others who are less advantaged than ourselves, I am now willing to concede that I am - and have for a long time been - a worthless cheating parasite of the highest order.

If the families of the unemployed have suffered terribly over the years for their relatively minor lack of responsibility or good judgement, then in a fair world, I would be spending the next couple of decades up to my eyeballs in raw sewage for the wanton irresponsibility and stupidity that I have long advocated.

If I had even an ounce of honour, I would retire to my study with a generic bottle of blended scotch and a revolver in order to relieve those around me of the burden of having to gaze upon my hypocritical countenance for a moment longer.

But failing that, I now, at least, have the decency to acknowledge that a generous universal safety net funded out of general taxation would be a minimal concession to make given the huge bailout that democratic governments have handed to the leading institutions of capitalism.

Furthermore, I am now prepared to accept that the kind of market liberalism that I have advocated for many years is entirely impractical in a modern democracy - and that effective liberal democracy is the only thing that stopped the entire population of my country, and it’s neighbours, from suffering the consequences of my long-standing stupidity, greed and dishonesty. I now concede that elected governments, and not larcenous shitheads such as myself, should drive public policy for the forseeable future.

Signed: ………………………………………..

Name: ………………………………………. (block capitals please)

Date: ………………………………………..

Whaddaya think? Does it go far enough? Or should I make it a bit more penitent? And let me know (Shuggy) if there are any shortcomings in the grammar and punctuation and stuff? I’ve probably overdone the split infinitives and that.

Comments

  1. Will

    Sunday 21 September 2008 at 17:46

    Great stuff.

    see also
    http://www.tuac.org/e-docs/00/00/03/16/newsletter_tuac_presse.md

    http://www.tuac.org/en/public/e-docs/00/00/03/13/document_news.phtml

    Paris, 19 September 2008
    For Immediate Release
    Bailing Out Financial Capitalism: Unions Demand Re-regulation

    The dramatic events on the US and global financial markets in the past days – the collapse of Lehman Brothers, the takeover of Merrill Lynch by Bank of America and not least, the government bailing out of AIG, the largest insurer in the US – have changed the nature of the financial crisis. The crisis proves to be a far more serious threat to the integrity of the global financial system than OECD governments and financial authorities anticipated a year ago when the crisis erupted.

    Financial authorities are not equipped with the needed regulatory tools to handle this crisis. The emergency action to support financial institutions that are too big to be allowed to go bankrupt is necessary. However it is unacceptable that governments nationalise the losses of financial capital and privatise the profits.

    The quid pro quo must be properly regulated financial institutions. International cooperation should go far beyond what is currently under consideration – ie. reviewing prudential rules for banks and “encouraging” more transparency on the market place. It is the national and global regulatory architecture that needs to be restored so that financial markets return to their primary function: to ensure stable and cost-effective financing of the real economy.

    The regulatory implications of the crisis will be addressed at a meeting of TUAC affiliates senior economists on 29-31 October at the OECD in Paris, in partnership with the Global Unions and the ETUC. They will be discussing the launching of a trade union blueprint on effective financial regulation.

    Read more:
    Bailing out financial capitalism: what governments must demand in return” - Statement by the TUAC Secretariat - http://www.tuac.org/en/public/e-docs/00/00/03/13/document_news.phtml

    Contact at TUAC :
    Pierre Habbard, habbard@tuac.org - +33 (0) 1 55 37 37 37

    TUAC has consultative status with the OECD and represents 66 million workers in 58 affiliated organisations in the 30 OECD countries.

  2. Shuggy

    Sunday 21 September 2008 at 18:56

    Does it go far enough?

    It’s pretty cool but I reckon it’s too subtle for many of our ‘libertarian’ friends. I think you need to beat them over the head with references to ‘dependency culture’ and the moral hazards implicit therein. You could also try and work in some references to their breeding habits? In the interests of symmetry.

  3. Terry Glavin

    Sunday 21 September 2008 at 19:50

    “Plastic Surgeons, Jewelers, Yacht Builders
    Brace for Leaner Times; Saying No to Caviar.”

    Here: http://tinyurl.com/4zzy8x

  4. Will

    Sunday 21 September 2008 at 23:22

    On the hand of the other…

    Kurz points out that any attempt to revive 1970s Keynesian policies is like ‘administering cough drops against cancer.’

    http://www.exit-online.org/textanz1.php?tabelle=aktuelles&index=0&posnr=313

  5. neil

    Monday 22 September 2008 at 8:42

    Is that exit article available in English? My German is not up to reading a full article.

  6. Will

    Monday 22 September 2008 at 8:52

    Nope.

  7. dirigible

    Monday 22 September 2008 at 10:17

    Furthermore, I have argued that taxation is, somehow, almost a form of theft,

    They have argued that it is straightforward theft, no almost or form of.

    But don’t worry, taking billions upon billions of dollars from the public isn’t capitalism, it’s socialism. Because capitalism makes people richer, so if you’re being made poorer it can’t be capitalism.

    There are some amusing fellows from the financial sector (and their bloggertarian wannabes) doing the rounds insisting that greater regulation will only make things worse.

    I cannot decide whether they are cretins or chancers.

  8. Will

    Monday 22 September 2008 at 14:16

    morgan stanley and goldman sachs disagree with bloggertarians
    http://uk.reuters.com/article/fundsNews/idUKGRI22931520080922

    want and need more regulation…

  9. Eugenio

    Monday 22 September 2008 at 15:44

    Paul,

    would you mind if I attempted to translate it in Italian and published it on my blog?

  10. Paulie

    Monday 22 September 2008 at 18:45

    Eugenio,

    Yes - I’d be very flattered. Feel free.

    I wouldn’t know if you’d decided to be mischeivous and change the meaning of bits to make me look a tit in front of half of Italy, but I’ll take that chance.

    ;-)

    PE

  11. Shuggy

    Monday 22 September 2008 at 20:42

    And let me know (Shuggy) if there are any shortcomings in the grammar and punctuation and stuff?

    Missed that the first time around. I’m touched you think I’d know. Having said that, there’s a superfluous apostrophe in “and it’s neighbours”. This is the sort of thing that would give Lynne Truss a heart-attack. So leave it as it is.

  12. sean

    Wednesday 24 September 2008 at 21:23

    [really weird mad as fuck conspiracy type loony leaves comment — apparently the whole shitbacle is the fault of marxism or something]

  13. Scribbles

    Tuesday 30 September 2008 at 15:34

    Fucking A, man.