Olympics artistic director Zhang YiMou has told the Chinese press that the mass choreography seen in the opening and closing ceremonies is only achievable in China or North Korea because of special circumstances:

“I have conducted operas in the West. It was so troublesome. They only work four and a half days each week. Everyday there are two coffee breaks and no overtime work at all. There cannot be any discomfort, because of human rights. This can really worry me to death,” said Zhang.

“Wow, one week, I thought I should already have rehearsed it (the programme) very smoothly, but they could not even stand in straight lines. You could not criticise them either. They all belong to some organisations. They have all kinds of institutions, unions.”

[…..]

900 soldiers had to wear incontinence pads because they had to wait in the stadium for seven hours without a toilet break before their performance.

Truly, comrade Zhang does not need to worry himself to death in the workers’ paradise.

The ‘London’ segment of the closing ceremony was supposed to give a foretaste of what to expect from the 2012 games. It is to be hoped that the presence of Aleister Crowley devotee Jimmy Page on the back of the red bus, performing Whole Lotta Love with Leona Lewis, promises a games devoted to chaos, rowdiness, dipsomania and unrestrained shagging - a Restoration costume drama in the spirit of Pepys, Sheridan, Wycherley, Rochester … Russell Brand.