Reports are coming in that a big fat gadgie from Hull was responsible for the 5.3 magnitude earthquake that caused widespread damage to homes and businesses in the early hours of this morning. Gastroenterologists warn that aftershocks are to be expected, and the authorities have advised homeowners to take appropriate precautions.

[A] student living in Leicester, said she was “absolutely petrified” when her block of flats began shaking around her.

“The front of my chest of drawers fell out and my candles fell on the floor and broke. I thought it was a ghost.”

Well you would, wouldn’t you? Incredibly, it wasn’t.

PARIS — France may send hundreds of ground troops to eastern Afghanistan where NATO-led forces are fighting al-Qaeda-backed insurgents, Le Monde newspaper reported on Tuesday. It said the move would be part of a new Afghan policy being worked out by President Nicolas Sarkozy and his advisers.

France has about 1,900 soldiers under NATO’s Afghan command, most of them based in relatively calm Kabul, and Le Monde said the fresh troops would be deployed outside the capital.

“Their destination would be zones of potentially fierce fighting, preferably the eastern region of Afghanistan close to the tribal areas of Pakistan,” it said.

Might be of interest to a minority of a minority.

In other news…

Iraq condemns Turkish incursion… “a violation of its sovereignty” they say.

U.S. of Fucking Ayyyeyeaaaaaaaa looks around, whistles… all while standing in awkward and funny way and that like … concentrates on “race clothing” and matters of real import like… “funny name and wears funny clothes”. Good for them.

Doomed — we are all doomed.

Can I get a witness? Can I get a witness brothers and sisters?!