Hitch on religiously inclined windbags, nutjobs, freaks of nature, theocratic dopes — the sort who gives congratulations to Canada for “preserving its National Igloo.”

“Welcome to the our coverage of the 2007 qualifying round of the UK’s contribution to mental gymnastics. We have already seen Simon Jenkins on the mat, dancing through a series of mental hoops and avoiding several hard facts on the ground to finish with a startling concluding somersault to achieve a splendid thesis that the Taliban are winning. What did you think Sue?”

“Thanks John, a terrific performance, really capturing the negativity of the audience. His ability to just handspring over those uncomfortable barriers to his narrative were spectacular. I think we’ll be seeing even bigger jumps from him in future years.”

“Sorry Sue, I have to interrupt. Madeleine Bunting has taken the floor to wild applause from some sections of the crowd, although some of the crowd on the left are already grauning.”

“Yes, John. She has come under increasing criticism from a section of that crowd. It really isn’t decent behaviour to attack her routine even before she has limbered up.”

“Well, she’s off. I have to say that standing jump from Christmas to the term medieval being used as a pejorative term against Islam was spectacular, especially given the presence of the teddy bear and the rape victim.”

“That was close, I have to ask, how can she top this?”

“A quite spectacular use of the crusades against Islam there, totally avoiding the history of militarism in the spread of Islam - choosing instead to highlight its ‘capacity to exert such a powerful hold over its growing number of followers’. This is flawless stuff. That turn on the mat there, did you see it?”

“Yes Sue, very tricky. Bunting has managed to criticize religion, running the risk of tripping on a Dawkins, but at the last minute has managed a triple-forward somersault and half-twist to land on the thesis that Western pluralistic democratic societies are analogous to medieval societies. Modern day concerns about rightwing Islamist movements, or even jihadist movements with records of anti-semitism, are now equivalent to medieval anti-semitism. Very clever how she managed to combine Islam and Islamism into the one term, as well. Superb.”

“Yes, despite the booing from some areas, it seems that Bunting has managed to convince this crowd that the term medieval applies more to Western civilization with its concerns about human rights and equality, than it does to the Sudanese government, sharia law in Saudi Arabia, or zealots who throw acid at female teachers. If there’s one thing to take away from this performance, it that the crowd really loves to hate itself. Next up, it’s the delightful Matthew Parris. Let’s see if he can make the squad.”

It’s an interwebnet’s sort of thing.