Education Guardian columnist Patrick Tomlin appears to spend much of his time ruminating on the oh-so-difficult lot of a PhD student. This when he should instead be doing some work for his PhD. Tomlin’s latest piece purports to offer advice to research students, but the writer expends 208 of his 772 words on the paranoia of opinion hacks who have others fill in for them when they are away.

As for everyday stories of pre-doctoral folk, how very tedious. The majority of people who read Tomlin’s columns will have either been there, done that, got the fucking t-shirt, or are themselves procrastinating research students who should be horsewhipped daily by their supervisors.

My advice to PhD students? Stop whingeing and get back to work, or give it up and get a proper job. And always remember you are worth less to your institutions than the spotty undergraduates you treat with such haughty disdain.

Charlie Brooker on the joys of offending people — the ‘huffy … self-important, narcissistic authoritarians in love with the sound of their own booming disapproval’ and the ‘whiny, sparrowlike ones are so annoying and sickly and ill-equipped for life on Earth you just want to smack them round the head until they stop crying and grow up’.

Note I used the word “sodding” there, because even though every single one of you knows precisely what word I meant to use, I’m not allowed to use it in print in case the whiny/huffy Axis of Feeble decides to piddle its pants with dismay at the sight of a commonplace assembly of letters. And they must be appeased at all times.

What these nitpicky, sexless complainists fail to realise is that sweary tastelessness is a celebration of life, as soaring and majestic as a gospel choir in full flow, and no amount of tedious squeamishness can alter that. Potentially offended reader - you are the offence. In fact you’re a four-letter word beginning with “c” and ending in “t”. Yes. That’s right. You’re an absolute clot.

The UN can  fuck off as well.

Once they possess  atomic weapons, politics of deterrence will prove ineffective.  Whoever seeks to conduct a dialog and business with them, pursues the same appeasement which once facilitated a war in Europe that turned  into the largest war of extermination in history.

Well — as far as certain fucking Yanks are concerned — yes — it most certainly is okay to tell them to fuck off yem.

Private security firm Blackwater USA and the rest of the shitebags should certainly fuck right off — and now, and be quick about it.

And that’s without wishing to rush to judgement - and without wishing to confer specific character traits upon a whole nation — but — THICK USELESS YANK BASTARDS!

And, without wishing to rush to judgement - and without wishing to confer specific attributes upon a whole policy — but — fucking privatisation and greedy bastards who want to make vast sums of moola by employing thick psychos who wish to live out a macho fantasy without a fucking clue as to what they are doing — well — really — they can also fuck right off!!

Can we have a proper army please?