England advances by furlongs per fortnight
by Jura Watchmaker, 13 September 2007
And now for something completely different…
Along with the European Commission I couldn’t give a monkey’s whether you quote your weight in kilogrammes, stones or, in this age of burgeoning obesity, London buses. And if you fancy a paahnd of bananas, far be it from me to complain. Any greengrocer with a gramme of sense will know what you mean, even if he marks up his produce in kilos alone.
If you believe the media reports published on this side of La Manche, the EU has given up on its demand that the UK fully adopt the metric system. But there never was any such demand, and the latest twist in this story is a victory for European common sense over the ludicrous Metric Martyrs, and also the British government.
Take EU Vice President Günter Verheugen’s statement published on Tuesday. Here is a man who comes across as having more understanding of British cultural traditions than our own confused politicians, who have dillied and dallied for decades over the issue of metrication.
Verheugen points out that it was in 1864 that Parliament first started the process of metrication, over a century before Eurocracy as we know it came into being. In 1969 Britain set up a Metrication Board, and this was several years before the UK joined the Common Market. Since then “Europe” has bent over backwards to accommodate English prevarication over the issue of metrication.
Personally, I think almost exclusively in metric units. And that’s not just because I’ve spent a number of my adult years living in continental Europe. I was raised in New Zealand and Ireland at a time when these countries shared more cultural traits with their former colonial masters than they do today. But as a schoolboy I was educated in both imperial and metric units, and the transition to metric was handled a lot better than it has been in Britain.
In New Zealand and Ireland today the old units remain in informal use, and in Scandinavia boat lengths are often measured in feet. The inch, known in Germany as the “Zoll”, is a very useful unit as it is roughly the width of a human thumb. The Norwegians even have their own mile, but be warned that the “Norske mil” is defined as 10 kilometres. If you live in rural Trøndelag and your nearest pub is a mile away, you’ll most likely not be walking there for your evening pint.
But other countries’ experiences count for little or nothing with the English, who instead complain that switching road signs from miles to kilometres would be astronomically expensive. Rubbish. It need not be done overnight, and as long as the new signs are clearly marked “km” and “km/h” there should be no problem.
The Irish took some 35 years to go metric, and in 2005 they completed the job. If we carry on as we are in dear old Blighty, moaning about perceived threats to our way of life from Johnny Foreigner, we could see the US adopt the metric system before us, leaving only the Burmese and Liberians to give us an inch.
I would prefer that we adopt metric wherever a single measurement standard is required. And if we do this the words “pound” and “pint” will not fall out of common use; they will simply be redefined as a half kilogramme and half litre. You might be short-changed a swig of beer on the changeover, but this is no big deal, and in any case there would be no need to abolish the 0.57-litre pub pint.
* The picture above is a computer generated image of the International Prototype Kilogramme; i.e., the kilogramme. This lump of platinum-iridium alloy is stored in a vault in the Bureau International des Poids et Mesures (BIPM) in Sèvres. Here it sits next to an inch ruler for reference (French humour).
Thursday 13 September 2007 at 16:08
As regards metric martyrs, a nail through one’s foot maybe more painful than through one’s thirty centimetres. And a nail through one’s traditional yard infinitely more so than through one’s metre. Unless one’s a poet, of course.
Thursday 13 September 2007 at 16:30
Since when did England gain its independence from the UK and join the EU as an independent state? Blimey … I need to keep more up-to-date with me current affairs so I does.
Thursday 13 September 2007 at 16:48
The UK = England everywhere outside the British Isles, and the idea of a nation has no meaning except in relation to other nations/states. All that matters is who controls the purse strings and holds the guns. Thus sayeth a Welsh-speaking former Plaid Cymru voter.
Thursday 13 September 2007 at 17:13
Metric measurements - Made in England.
Be patriotic and go metric!
Thursday 13 September 2007 at 17:15
Fairy’s muff then.
Thursday 13 September 2007 at 17:32
A half-litre - it surely just don’t satisfy. As in the ‘bladder’ argument from 1984:
‘I arst you civil enough, didn’t I?’ said the old man, straightening his shoulders pugnaciously. ‘You telling me you ain’t got a pint mug in the ‘ole bleeding boozer?’
‘And what in hell’s name is a pint?’ said the barman, leaning forward with the tips of his fingers on the counter.
‘Ark at ‘im! Calls ‘isself a barman and don’t know what a pint is! Why, a pint’s the ‘alf of a quart, and there’s four quarts to the gallon. ‘Ave to teach you the A, B, C next.’
‘Never heard of ‘em,’ said the barman shortly. ‘Litre and half litre — that’s all we serve. There’s the glasses on the shelf in front of you.
‘I likes a pint,’ persisted the old man. ‘You could ‘a drawed me off a pint easy enough. We didn’t ‘ave these bleeding litres when I was a young man.’
‘When you were a young man we were all living in the treetops,’ said the barman, with a glance at the other customers.
There was a shout of laughter, and the uneasiness caused by Winston’s entry seemed to disappear. The old man’s whitestubbled face had flushed pink. He turned away, muttering to himself, and bumped into Winston. Winston caught him gently by the arm.
‘May I offer you a drink?’ he said.
‘You’re a gent,’ said the other, straightening his shoulders again. He appeared not to have noticed Winston’s blue overalls. ‘Pint!’ he added aggressively to the barman. ‘Pint of wallop.’
The barman swished two half-litres of dark-brown beer into thick glasses which he had rinsed in a bucket under the counter. Beer was the only drink you could get in prole pubs. The proles were supposed not to drink gin, though in practice they could get hold of it easily enough. The game of darts was in full swing again, and the knot of men at the bar had begun talking about lottery tickets. Winston’s presence was forgotten for a moment. There was a deal table under the window where he and the old man could talk without fear of being overheard. It was horribly dangerous, but at any rate there was no telescreen in the room, a point he had made sure of as soon as he came in.
“E could ‘a drawed me off a pint,’ grumbled the old man as he settled down behind a glass. ‘A ‘alf litre ain’t enough. It don’t satisfy. And a ‘ole litre’s too much. It starts my bladder running. Let alone the price.’
Thursday 13 September 2007 at 18:44
De’il tak them that has the least pint stoup, as we say. [The old Scots pint being more than an imperial quart….]
Thursday 13 September 2007 at 19:39
At work I am “mks” sorry “SI” all the way, but at home I cling to the old school: Ever since GMT became UTC and the metric system became SI, I don’t have any interest in “SI”ing the general public.
Plus I prefer the old line from the Babylon 5’s writer’s guide — at one point the world switch back to the imperial system just to honk off the French.
Sounds like a plan to me.
Thursday 13 September 2007 at 21:10
“The UK = England everywhere outside the British Isles”: No, it doesn’t. “Great Britain” is just as commonly used, if not more so (it’s still inaccurate, but a lot less than “England” is). Anyway, even in the US, people who write serious pieces about politics and economics (such as, say, a blog post about metrication) increasingly tend to use “the UK” or “the United Kingdom” anyway.
Anyway, this blog is produced *inside* the British Isles, isn’t it? Blimey, even the subs on The Guardian get these things right (most of the time). Will, tell him off.
Thursday 13 September 2007 at 23:26
The article refers to “prevarication”, a “ludicrous” lack of common sense & obscure “cultural traditions” in the wider context of showing a national fondness for uttering complaints & moans which completes a quite accurate summary of English identity traits rather than Irish, Scots or Welsh. England is rightly used to describe the UK when providing commentary on national character as the character portrayed is so overwhelmingly English.
Friday 14 September 2007 at 0:24
OK, one more time: if someone is going to waste space blogging about “identity traits”, “national character” and other such empty myths, it might be a good idea to decide which nation, or state, to attribute them to, instead of alternating haphazardly between “Britain” and “England”, then inventing a bullshit rationale when questioned about it. Otherwise it will look very much as if the post was written in haste, and sloppily, by someone who hasn’t worked out what the hell he’s trying to say (and it wouldn’t be the first time).
Friday 14 September 2007 at 1:24
Don’t worry, we Yanks will never give up our British measurements.
x x x o o o
Friday 14 September 2007 at 1:37
Sorry to post again, but I do remember being in grade school in America under the rule of the late Gerald Ford, who has finally given up his mouth-watering pension, protection, etc., bequeathed on all of our out-of-office elected representatives, in the only way possible: by dying.
Anyway — we were, at our young ages, drilled in the usefulness of the metric system. One of the few state-sponsored fool ideas to actually expire (with the exceptions of alcohol, drugs, and firearms, and of course the two-liter pop “bottle”).
Monday 17 September 2007 at 19:59
“Don’t worry, we Yanks will never give up our British measurements”
What, like a pint made up of only 16 fluid ounces, each fluid ounce being fractionally larger than a UK one?
Interesting point about the long 1984 “pub scene” quote above is that Orwell could imagine “Airstrip One” giving up pints for litres, but the beer in the pub is still the dark mild (”wallop”) that was the most popular beer in 1948, rather than the keg lager that had become the most popular beer in the “real” 1984 … the idea that we’d be drinking a German-style beer 36 years on was obviously an imaginative step too far for the Master.