Actor Ian McKellan is so offended by what he regards as the Bible’s anti-gay stance, he makes a point of ripping out the relevant page every time he stays in a hotel room.

The openly homosexual actor, a longtime campaigner for gay rights, accepts he should not vandalise the Bible, but finds it difficult to contain his outrage at the contents of Leviticus 20:13 when he spots the holy book in hotels.

George W Bush, leader of the far-right theocratic junta in the US, has placed a one million dollar reward for McKellan’s death, while the British Embassy in Washington has been burnt to the ground by angry mobs. English citizens are being advised to avoid traveling to the US bible belt, where several tourists have been burnt at the stake.

McKellan is in hiding, although the Metropolitan Police think they may have new leads on his whereabouts. Standing in front of a baying crowd armed with cricket bats, flasks of tea, and burning effigies of McKellan in a Wizard’s hat, the Archbishop of Canterbury suggested violence was not the answer, although he understood why passions were high on this issue and could not answer for the actions of all his flock.